You know, there are times when you deserve an apology from someone, but you may want to be careful what you wish for.
I just finished reading a very well written article about the various ways people use apologies.
Yes, I said "use". The author made some very intuitive comments about the way we phrase our apologies and the end result we expect from the so called apologies.
So, you deserve an apology, but you should pay attention to what the apology actually says… it can be quite an eye opener.
You have probably experienced many of these so called apologies yourself over the years…
The apology that actually blames you for the situation in the first place. Something along the lines of "Honey, I know I shouldn't have said those things but you made me so mad"
How many times have you heard a version of that "apology" from your significant other during the course of your relationship?
If you are like most of us the answer would probably be "more than I can count".
Or, almost as good, the apology that is nothing more than an excuse wrapped in an apology: "I know I promised you I would stop by the grocery store on my way home but I had one heckuva day".
Again, no where is there any type of apology in there. I'm pretty sure that not only have most of us gotten that type of "apology" most of us have probably used that type of apology too! I'm sorry.
And, one of my personal favorites, the "non-apology", where you just know that they aren't really sorry at all. You know the kind, someone says "I'm sorry for doing that….but…"
Like, "I'm sorry I didn't get your Valentines day gift to you on time, but I've been busy"
You know, they would have had you at "I'm sorry". Too bad many of us just don't know when to stop!
I hope that, for the most part, you have people in your life who are willing to offer you sincere apologies when you deserve one.
Nothing is worse than having someone do something to hurt you and they don't even acknowledge the damage they have done.
If you are in a relationship with an apology challenged person, perhaps you can re-train them.
Maybe you can show them that one of the biggest signs of respect they can give someone is to offer a sincere apology when they mess up.
It doesn't matter if it is a big offense or a relatively minor one, if they have done something or said something they should not have, and caused another person pain or discomfort they need to apologize.
After a little practice they may just learn what many of us have already learned; while apologizing and admitting you were wrong may not be easy, it can feel really good when you do and get the guilt off your chest.
It can also feel really good when the person you apologized to has offered you their forgiveness.
You deserve an apology, and hopefully you will get it in a sincere fashion. If not, there is always the next time!
