One thing that often happens, especially at the beginning of a new relationship, is that you are haunted by partners past. It can happen slowly and be very subtle or it can hit you like a freight train. Either way it is unsettling.
Truthfully I can't think of many things that stink more than thinking you are finally over your ex and ready to move on and meet someone great then wham, there it is. You find yourself remembering all the good times you and your ex used to have.
Right when you think you are ready to move on and start over you (again) find you are haunted by partners past.
But what do do if that happens? Or, more importantly, how can you make sure that that never happens? Well, to be honest I'm not sure you can ever totally guarantee that it will never happen.
I think the best we can do is to acknowledge that it is a possibility and try to prevent it from happening as much as possible. But, you may be wondering, what can you do to make sure it won't happen, or at least minimize the chances it will happen?
Here are some tips that may help you diminish the chance of these "ghosts" from relationship past haunting your next relationship:
1. The first one, also the most obvious, is to be as honest with yourself as possible and make sure that you really are over your ex. At this stage you might have the worst of the pain behind you and you may be ready to start to live again.
That can be a tricky time though, because when you get to this point you still may not be ready but you may want to be ready so you convince yourself you are.
One great way to honestly determine if you are ready to start dating is ask your friends. Ask them for their totally honest opinion.
They will pick up on all the times you still talk about your ex or other hints that you may drop that indicate you really aren't over your ex and ready to date again.
These things may not be as apparent to you as they are to your friends and family so that is where you should start.
2. How often do you still think about your ex? Only you can honestly answer this. If you are still thinking about them several times a day you are most likely not ready to date quite yet.
Waiting until you are truly ready is the best way to ensure that you can totally commit to your new love and leave your old love where it belongs… in the past.
3. And one last point, make sure that you aren't comparing one love with the other. You have changed and the person you are dating is not the same person you were dating before. They will most likely have some similarities since you will be attracted to some of the same traits, but they are different people.
Learn to embrace the differences and not continually compare one to the other. Maybe the old love wasn't that great after all since the two of you couldn't make it work. Maybe the traits of the new person will actually be a better fit for you – be willing to give them a chance.
These tips may make it easier for you to move on completely so you are haunted by partners past no more.