After Infidelity

When it comes to fixing a relationship after infidelity, there is good news and there is bad news. The good news is that no matter how screwed up the relationship is it can be fixed, if you want it bad enough. If there has been forgiveness and both parties are committed 100% to doing whatever it takes to make it work then things can get better.

Both parties have to understand and accept that it will take time and work and they have to be mature enough to admit to some of their own shortcomings. If you are both at that place you have an excellent chance of working things out.

The bad news is that if the problems are too overwhelming and/or both of you are not willing to do the work and find a solution, the odds of fixing a relationship after infidelity go way down. It is not impossible at this point, but it will be so much more difficult.

So, step one would be to honestly assess where you and your partner are now and then where exactly you might be headed. Do some serious soul searching and determine if both of you are mature enough to face up to the issues and stick with it long enough to find a solution
If so, go on to step two. If not, ask yourself why you want to save the relationship. Sometimes love just is not a good enough reason to save a relationship.

If you try to save your relationship with out the help of your spouse, it can be very easy to fall into the trap of becoming a door mat to them. If they feel that the hurt is so great that they will not work with you to save the relationship, it is almost a guarantee that they may also try to sabotage of all the hard work you are trying to do.

Step two would be to figure out what other problems and issues the two of you are dealing with and what needs to happen to fix them. Do the two of you just seem to have drifted apart? If so, why? What has changed? Do you now have kids and find it harder to really connect with each other? Has one of you taken on a new more stress filled job and is it affecting your home life?

Once you identify what the issues you are having really are then you have a much better chance of dealing with them effectively. Do not let life and it's stresses come between you. This is usually not the real problem in most cases, anyway, it works well as an excuse for bad behavior though. Figure out the real problems and then work together on a solution.

Sometimes finding someone to help you sort it all out can be nothing short of a miracle. Finding a therapist or counselor can help. If nothing else, a counselor can act as a sort of referee so the two of you do not get too upset and start fighting. Nothing will ever get worked out if the fighting continues.

Keep in mind that you can't fix anything until you figure out what is broken. There is no difference between a broken relationship and a broken belt on your car. If you do not diagnose what the problem is, you can't fix your relationship after infidelity.


 

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