How To Be Alone But Not Feel Lonely
© Susan Preston, http://flirtingwithfitness.com
All Rights Reserved Worldwide.
“If you make friends with yourself you will never be alone.” ~ Maxwell Maltz.
A lot of us Baby Boomers were raised with the idea that we would go to college, have a career, meet the person of our dreams and get married, have children and live happily ever after. But as some of you reading this knows, that is not always what happens.
When I was in high school, there were 5 of us girls that hung around together. We all went to college and by the time I got married at 21 years of age, so had 3 of the other girls. It seemed like back then that if you weren’t married by a certain age that people would think something was wrong with you. What a limiting belief that was!
If you were like me you might have thought like I did back when I got married the first time, that getting married would make me happy, boy was I sadly mistaken. I have learned over the years that happiness becomes part of the essence of who we are. It’s only when we truly love and embrace who we are and continually fill ourselves up with joy, happiness, honor, trust, respect, self-esteem, worthiness and all of those other goodies, that we are truly happy.
So if you finding that your life as you may once have known it, is not quite what you expected and you are alone…the good news is that you don’t have to feel lonely! I know especially with the holidays fast approaching you may not feel too excited about being alone. I think these tips that I am going to share with you may help.
Tips On How To Be Alone But Not Feel Lonely
Love & Embrace Who You Are:
Learn to truly love yourself and to embrace the Amazing person that you are. Fill yourself up continually with love, joy, happiness, honor, trust, self-esteem, respect and all of the other goodies.
Take time everyday to write down at the top of a piece of loose leaf paper, I am… The more that you can do this you will connect with yourself even more so and feel empowered!
Allow yourself time to just ‘Be’ and to let yourself just feel whatever it is that you need to. Reconnect with yourself and get to know you even better. Nurture yourself and have compassion towards yourself. You deserve it!
Treat Yourself As A Priority Instead Of An Option:
You probably found that as your relationship or marriage was ending, that you might have given all of yourself to that other person just to try to make it work. You probably were making yourself an option instead of a priority. When you start treating yourself as a priority rather then as an option, you will start to feel like you really matter!
Think of all the things that you do for those that you love. Don’t you think that you, too should get those as well from yourself? When others start to see the difference in how you are treating yourself, they will start to do so, as well. The beauty of all of this is, that now you will have even more to give and share of the BEST you with those in your life now, as well as someone new that you may meet.
Do Things That Make You Feel Good:
Buy your favorite cologne or perfume that makes you feel special and sexy! Or you may have wanted a particular color shirt and kept putting it off because your partner at the time may not have liked it…Buy it!
You might love to go to the movies, but your partner didn’t, so you never went. Make plans to go out to dinner and a movie with a friend and really enjoy it!
Live In The Moment:
When you live in the Moment, you are not worrying about what you can’t change about the past and you’re not preoccupied with the future. You are not stuck in the past and you aren’t so busy planning every little detail of the future. Yo can’t grow if you are stuck in the past.
By living in the moment, you tend to make better decisions as your focus is on the present. It’s not to say, if you are a single parent and have a very busy life, that you don’t want look ahead to your child’s football practice or what to make for dinner. But rather, what you can do is take time out of your day to devote a few minutes to going over your family’s schedule on a calendar and perhaps writing out a list of the things that are a priority. But by always being preoccupied with all the things that you need to do, just makes for you to feel even more overwhelmed.
When you embrace and live in the moment and give gratitude for where you are even if it is not where you want to be, helps you to be able to take that next inspired step to get you where you want to be.
You deserve to have an Extraordinary life! Don’t settle and look for someone just because you might be lonely. Life is meant to be lived passionately, to really embrace it! The first step in doing so is to really love, honor and embrace who you are! Tap into your true Magnificence and step into your Greatness and let yourself really SHINE! I am rooting for you!
Living in the now is one of my obstacles, I love to look ahead and be alert and see what is coming. But like you say, I can look ahead and still live in the now and enjoy my day as one of my best days!! Thanks Susan
Absolutely, Olga! It can be challenging at first but eventually it just becomes 2nd nature and life gets even more Amazing! Thanks
Mastering the art of alone and not lonely is a key to happiness. Great post.
Pamela Gail Johnson recently posted..The Happiness of Thankfulness
Thanks, Pamela! I soooooooo agree.
This is such an important message…our relationship with ourselves must be the most important one we have. Being our best raises what we have to offer others whether it is as a partner, co-worker or parent. Self-care is not Self-ish!!
denny hagel recently posted..Tips on How to Answer Kid’s Difficult Questions
Thanks, Denny! I so agree with your Amazing wisdom. I especially liked when you wrote: “Self-care is not Self-ish!!” It is so important to take care of ourselves first and then we are able to not only take care of others even more so but we have more to give and share of ourselves.
I love, love, love “treat yourself as a priority instead of an option”! That is genius even if you’re not ending a relationship. I’ve been single for a while & these tips have inspired me. Thanks!
Kelly Green recently posted..Why You Should Take Email “Blasts” Out Of Your Marketing Vocabulary
Thanks, Kellly! Absolutely, these can even be applied to someone who is in a relationship that may be having a challenging time and one is feeling lonely.
I really enjoyed this post. Great reminder to embrace life and live in the moment.
Thanks, Shirley! Absolutely, embracing life and living in the moment is so important.
It took me a long time to accept being alone. As much as I loved it I felt well…lonely. Not the case anymore. I LOVE being with me! I tended to take the hardest road possible so when I say it took me a long time that doesn’t mean it has to take anyone else that long. It is a real exciting time being with me!
Suzanne Jones recently posted..Take What You Hate About Yourself And Use It To Your Advantage
That s wonderful, Suzanne! You are an Amazing person to spend time with 😉 Thanks!
Love this post, Susan! Yes, it is so important to make yourself a priority and live in the moment! We can be alone and not lonely when we make that connection with ourselves.
Sherie recently posted..Enough of Not Feeling that You are Good Enough
Thanks, Sherie! So very, very true!
Great post Susan. Must be something going around because I wrote a post about living in the moment just yesterday. Greatest way to maintain serenity and spirituality.
Michael McDonald recently posted..How do I stay motivated to workout and eat healthy
Absolutely, my friend! Great minds think alike [grin]. I so agree that it is the greatest way to maintain serenity and spirituality. Thanks
Great article! It’s so important to make friends with ourselves especially for a military spouse. My husband was gone a lot with trips and deployments, so I had to learn exactly the skills you teach in this article.
Julie recently posted..Military Wives
Thanks, Julie. I love it and I am sure it enhanced your relationship with your husband.
This is an awesome post ,Susan. I have been in a struggle with my daughter and she is having a very hard time liking herself alone. I hope she will let herself be single and enjoy just being for once in her life. I’m sending her this link to read! Thanks !
Elizabeth L Maness recently posted..The Presidential Election According to Pinterest ! We Have A Winner!
Thanks, Liz! Your daughter is such an Amazing woman and needs to embrace the Fabulous young lady that she is. So many women feel that they need to be in a relationship, but it is so important to heal after a break up and really love and embrace who one is before getting into a new one.
I like commenting on social media post in the “I am” format. I am 6 feet tall and bullet proof. I am a Super Ninja. I am, just me! Easy validation and a fun form of personal empowerment!
Kim Hawkins recently posted..He Said…Being a positive wife is…
Love that, Kim! Thanks
I think that final statement is so true and yet so difficult for many to embrace. YOU deserve an extraordinary life! In fact, I would say we are each designed for it!
Carl Mason-Liebenberg recently posted..Top 5 Fruits for Weight Loss
I sooooooooo agree, Carl. Thanks for sharing your great words of wisdom
What a wonderful post Susan! So happy that you have shared how people can be fulfilled and find value in “me time” to self reflect. Thanks for sharing!
You are so welcome, Dr. Sarah! Yes, it is so important for people to find value in their ‘me time’ and to use it to self reflect, as well as to embrace and love who they really are.
After reading your article my mind went back to when I was prematurely widowed at the ripe old age of 20. Not only did I not know how to be alone, I was scared to death. Those limiting beliefs you spoke of were even more so here as girls were not expected to go to college; only to get married and have kids. To come to know who I was, that I mattered and counted has been part of a lengthy journey. I’d like to encourage anyone reading this that it may not be easy for you either, but it is well worth the work. YOU matter.
Carla J Gardiner recently posted..Prostate Cancer – Drugs Versus Healthy Solutions
My heart goes out to you, my beautiful friend! I soooooooo agree with you, we all MATTER!!! Thanks for sharing your very inspiring story!
Great post Susan! I like the title, it’s powerful! It’s amazing how when we learn to treat ourselves as a priority and in a positive light, things MAGICALLY happen all around us =)
Thanks, Edmund! Yes, things do Magically happen all around us when we can learn to do that. It is Amazing!